Reflections On Change
by Time on my hands
Summary: Yusuke's thoughts as he mourns a loss and faces his future. No one ever told him that memories could be so bittersweet. One shot.


Reflections On Change

Somber brown eyes stared into the mirror as he struggled once again to tie his tie. The thing refused to cooperate. He didn't need this. Not today of all days. He yanked the knot out and tried again. His fingers were numb as he thought about his reason for being here. His reason for wearing this damn thing that choked him. He pictured her smiling face in his mind and wondered if she were smiling now. Wherever she was.

His thoughts drifted to the past. To what had brought him to this point in his life. He frowned when he couldn't remember when they met. It seemed like he had always known her. Childhood memories flashed before his eyes like a slideshow. She had been the only one in his life who never judged him. Nagged? Yes. Judged? No. She was the first to believe in him. The first to see him for the person he hid from the world. Concealed behind the tough guy image that protected him from the pain and disappointment that seemed to follow him like a stalker.

In the years since his first death he had come to quietly depend on her. It was she after all that had enabled him to come back to life the first time with her kiss. She who had saved his body from the fire that almost destroyed his chance to come back at all. Once she learned the truth of his existence, he had expected her to abandon him. Instead she encouraged him. Silently telling him that she believed in his ability to protect her and their world. She became his rock. His anchor when everything else in his life was chaos.

She had waited for him when he had left with only a vague promise to come back in three years time. When he finally did return, she was still there and happy to see him. Her unexpected kiss had said it all. She had stood by him while he put his mortal life back together. Returning to school was out of the question. He had missed far too much and was now too old to be a freshman in high school. She had defended him when her friends said she was way too smart to hang around a delinquent drop out like him.

He spent the next two years working three jobs to save enough money to start a small business. Another year was spent building that business into something successful enough to make a decent living. She had been patient through it all. Always making time for him. Always understanding. Always celebrating his little successes.

He pulled at the knot again. It brought back other memories. She'd always been there to tie his tie when he had needed to wear one. Why couldn't she be here now? Where was she when he needed her? He stared into the mirror. He looked normal. As if nothing had changed. But everything had changed. Nothing would ever be the same again.

In minutes he would have to face his friends and family. Koenma would be presiding over the service. He had told Yusuke he would handle everything. Yusuke was content to let him. It just wasn't something he could do. His whole body had been shaking when they asked him what he wanted. He had no idea what she wanted. They had never discussed it. Now it was too late to discuss it.

He splashed some cold water on his face and tried again to get the tie right. The door behind him opened quietly and an uncharacteristically serious Kuwabara put a hand on his shoulder. "Come on man. It's time. Everybody's waitin." Yusuke looked up to his friend with helpless eyes. Kuwabara nodded and grabbed the ends of the tie. Yusuke looked down as Kuwabara's fingers flew through the motions as if he were very familiar with them.

With a last look in the mirror, Yusuke turned to the door. Kuwabara quietly whispered, "It'll be ok Urameshi. You'll get through this. I promise." Yusuke gave his friend a small smile. He remembered last night when he had sat in the corner of the bar and gotten quietly drunk mourning all the things that would never be again. He stopped as he also remembered the rose bud. It lay on the dresser under the mirror. She had always loved roses. Especially red ones. He took the bud with shaking hands and pinned it to his lapel. She would want him to wear it.

Satisfied he was as ready as he would ever be, he closed the door behind him. Squaring his shoulders he walked with leaden feet to the chapel where everyone waited. The chapel where he would see Keiko Yukimura for the last time. Where he would say goodbye to her. To his childhood friend. He looked out over the sea of faces. Most of whom he recognized. Even Hiei had come, sitting stoically next to Kurama. His friends had tried to comfort and calm him during this emotional time. They had succeeded somewhat.

He walked slowly to the podium where Koenma was waiting to begin. Kuwabara never strayed from his side. A silent guardian. His tether to reality in a world turned on its ear. He couldn't prevent his hands from shaking as he waited for the words that would forever change his life. He looked over to Keiko's parents. Her mother was crying uncontrollably. Her father sat rigid, staring straight ahead, unshed tears in his eyes. Yusuke had never seen either of them this emotional.

Keiko's father stood patting his wife's hand in an effort to comfort her before hurrying out of the chapel. Yusuke turned back to Koenma. He nodded. Giving a silent signal for the organ to begin playing, the doors opened. Botan walked slowly toward them, followed by Keiko and her father. Yusuke swallowed a lump at the sight. She was beautiful. Her smile radiant. He struggled to breathe.

As her father put her hand in Yusuke's, the spirit detective took his last look at Keiko Yukimura. In moments she would be Keiko Urameshi. His single life was over. As he listened to Koenma drone on, he realized he didn't really mourn the passing of his old life. He would say goodbye to Keiko Yukimura, but not his childhood friend. He hadn't lost that. He had gained so much more. Keiko Urameshi, his wife, his mate. His partner for all eternity. He grinned. Life was good.

End


End file.
